Suggested New Year’s Resolutions for Hollywood

1. Support Judy Greer in 2011! Find projects that are worthy of her! I see from IMDb that she’s got some sort of sitcom with Sarah Chalke and Tyler Labine, who also are hilarious and should be back on my TV screen now, starting on February 21 on CBS. (Also, Jason Biggs is in it. Reaction: indifference! Not good, JB.) Make it funny, Hollywood! Funny scripts for funny women in 2011!

2. No more storylines about the madness of trying to get a toddler into a good pre-school. We get it, this apparently is the main/only source of stress in the lives of all new upper-class and upper-middle-class parents. I never want to see it again!

3. Get Johnny Depp in check, please. The man’s got a dozen different projects listed as “in development” on IMDb, including the mind-blowingly bad idea of playing Nick in a remake of The Thin Man. He’s doing crazy movies where he seems to be phoning in his performances, and is maybe forgetting that he’s an Oscar nominee who can mix in some better roles once in a while. Hollywood, if we’re not careful, we’re going to have another Nic Cage situation on our hands here. (Though, please also resolve to leave the real Nic Cage alone and let him do what he pleases. It’s gotten to the point where I find his career choices oddly fascinating, like maybe he’s just running a giant experiment…)

4. Retire any and all puns revolving around some version of the phrase “You’ve lost your head.” Most often heard in situations where our hero has just decapitated someone.

5. Find something else low-key and cool for Stephen Dorff to do. He’s actually really good in Somewhere. I’m not pleased about the upcoming projects on his IMDb page. A thriller with Christian Slater? A comedy about someone trying to become a porn star? Stephen, don’t waste this opportunity! The goodwill of starring in a solid film is not going to last forever!

6. It’s been said by many others, but let’s cool it with the 3-D, okay?

7. DO THE RIGHT THING AND CAST HAILEE STEINFELD AS KATNISS IN THE HUNGER GAMES MOVIE. Yes, that required caps lock.

What else should Hollywood resolve, everybody?

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3 Responses to “Suggested New Year’s Resolutions for Hollywood”


  1. 1 Carly January 4, 2011 at 12:07 am

    i don’t know who Hailee Steinfeld is? but i like this post. did you watch the fan-made Hunger Games trailer that was circulating FB awhile back?

  2. 3 Carly January 4, 2011 at 2:55 am

    super-dramatic. equally entertaining to read the (teen) comments on the video.


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