Obligatory scary movie post

So, let’s say you’re not going out tonight to party in a sweet costume, like yours truly will be. Unless you’re ignoring Halloween completely, which is unacceptable, you’re going to have to trot on over to the video store and rent yourself a scary movie. Problem is, the standards will most likely have already been snatched up by someone much more responsible than you, who planned ahead. Never fear! I’m here to help.

suspiria.jpgYou wanted: Halloween, Friday the 13th, or similar. Instead, get: Suspiria.

Suspiria is not a slasher flick. It does, however, contain some of the coolest slasher-style deaths I’ve ever seen. An American ballet student arrives at an Italian ballet academy just as all hell is breaking loose, which may or may not be because the staff is actually a coven of witches. This is widely regarded as one of the best from Italian god of cinema Dario Argento. Try it if you don’t mind things that are a little bizarre and stylized.

You wanted: The Others (or any haunted house movie). Instead, get: The Uninvited.

Don’t be turned off by the fact that this movie was made in 1944. It is spooky. A family makes that oh-so-classic mistake of moving into a long-abandoned house that everyone says they shouldn’t move into, and you bet your ass that bitch is haunted. Oh, and did I mention it’s also built on a cliff? Yeah, that’s not gonna end well.

april.jpgYou wanted: Scream. Instead, get: April Fool’s Day.

This is a good one if you’re okay with a high level of low-budget-80s-movie style campiness. A bunch of yuppie college kids decide to spend the weekend at a friend’s remote island mansion, then they start getting killed off, as tends to happen. It’s not a classic, but it’s really fun.

You wanted: Rosemary’s Baby. Instead, get: Diabolique.

These are two movies that are both all about the suspense. The torturous, hideous suspense. A man’s wife and his mistress plot to kill him, but then….well, saying anything more might ruin it. It’s not exactly a horror movie, and I know most people are not keen to pick up a black-and-white French movie from 1955, but I can’t not recommend it. It’s too good. Would it help if I mentioned that it currently ranks at #137 on the imdb top 250?

You wanted: Night of the Living Dead. Instead, get: The Birds.

Alfred Hitchcock is sometimes remembered as a master of horror, but most of his movies truly fall only into the thriller category. Not this one. This movie scared the ever-living crap out of me. And it really does work as a zombie movie replacement: it’s all about a living force, multiplying beyond your control, employing a mob mentality, and hell-bent on killing you for reasons you can’t begin to fix.

near-dark.jpgYou wanted: Interview with the Vampire. Instead, get: Near Dark.

Near Dark is a great vampire movie in which the word “vampire” is never said. A farm boy is intrigued by a mysterious girl, who takes him into her absolutely insane gang of wackos, who all happen to drink blood and dislike the sun. Some really great scenes of carnage, including a classic kill-everyone-in-the-bar sequence in which a young and impossibly creepy Bill Paxton rips a guy’s throat out, among other disgusting things.

Alright, there you go. Happy Halloween, kids.


3 Responses to “Obligatory scary movie post”

  1. 1 Chelsea October 31, 2007 at 11:54 am

    Soo…what are you gonna be for Halloween?

  2. 2 ndrwmtsn November 5, 2007 at 9:24 pm

    that’s a great post.

  3. 3 Carly November 9, 2007 at 11:23 am

    you’ve known about a great movie about bunheads getting picked off and never told me? how could you hold out on me like that?!

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